Yesterday I was having a quiet coffee at my favourite cafe, on one of those big communal tables, when I caught the gist of the conversation next to me. A woman was engrossed in a conversation with her girlfriend, and her first words were, ” I hate that woman. She is so judgemental.”
I sat memerised. Sometimes we are simply blind, very blind to what we say. If it involves another, it feels so good to pile on the vitriol, to defend ourselves, to justify our anger and fight fire with fire. Women can do that really well.
I wonder what is behind the word HATE. Little girls use it in the play ground, bitchy teenagers use it on Facebook and we see it as our right to spit it out at will. But then again, the morally correct of us will deny ever being judgemental, as if it is ‘so not spiritually pure to do so’, then give a back handed put down in the next breath, as if to justify a higher , more ‘aware’ position. For we are still better.
There is a belief that what we judge in others is what we refuse to see in ourselves. May be. The trick is to detach. To observe. The resist labelling. Or to label with no energy. To simply call it as is, from a position of calm neutrality. For it is then that we see the truth. And the truth behind the truth.
For some where along the way, we have all been injured. All been hurt. All been jealous, compared, left out, less than, not as pretty, not as clever, not as fast. Not as favoured.
So we keep the judgement cycle fueled. So we can belong, to somehow justify that we are right. That we matter.
What if we just saw everyone as an ‘interesting point of view’? It’s impossible to judge from that place. Just try. Think of someone who annoys you intensely, now see them as just an ‘interesting point of view’. We now have space, have created distance, lifted the veil. We get to see, or ponder, what might really be going on. We begin to have compassion. And from that place we can see what creates another’s pain. Another’s angst. And we can free ourselves from the emotional tug of war that zaps our energy and keeps us small.
So next time you jump to that seductive place of judgement (because it just FEELS so good, doesn’t it!). Stop, and say, ‘interesting point of view I have that point of view’..and just for a moment observe all that comes up for you. You’ll be surprised to witness your own ranting blind spots. Your own automatic willingness to blame. Ah, juicy stuff, for we all have it. It’s what our ‘small’ lives are made of. Our bigger lives start when we leave the pack behind.