Not one to sit back and watch, I thought it might be time to poke the bear so to speak. I know, after decades of personal work, that our relationships with our mothers sit at the very core of us. Crack that one, and we’re on our way to freedom that opens every door.
So, if you have a relationship with your mum (and she may have passed as has mine), in which she intrinsically supports every single ounce of your being and your dreams with no judgement, then maybe just smile and move on. However, as is the case with many of us, if you’re at the effect of her tone, her disapproving glance, her sucked in breath, her comments to other family members, her constant ‘worrying’ about you, then let’s take a dive. Right here. For here the rubber hits the road.
It took me until I was 56 to really be free of the need for my mother’s approval. So, my offering is a code breaker, to help you jump this circuit.
Your mother may never, ever understand your soul. She may never, ever hear the quiet voice you do. She will never get your downloaded directions. She is NOT you. And you are NOT her. And YOU are NOT responsible for her feelings, to make her happy, to save her from despair, from her unresolved anger, from her sorrow, her jealousies.
Do not to bend for her pain, her discretions, her control.
You are NOT here to make her happy. Her happiness is up to her.
You may SHARE happiness with her, that’s different, but do not diminish yours so she won’t feel bad. Ever.
And you must be willing to say NO to her. A clean, strong impeccable NO. Without explanation. That’s a biggie.
And you must be WILLING to disappoint her, so as not to betray your own soul. That’s an even bigger biggie.
You are of course required to have a huge heart. To have compassion for HER, she too is doing the best with what she has. But that does not mean her needs are more than yours.
And so the flip side is also true.
As my daughter said at the early age of 10. ‘Mum, let me have my own experience.’
So, if you have a daughter, lean into her evolutionary edge with her, but do not control the outcome. She is already a wise, old soul. She knows what she’s here for. Get out of her way. BE THE EXAMPLE of what you’d love for her. Just live YOUR truth. Let her go her own way. Hers will most likely be a circuitous route that may not involve you. You may NOT be the most important person in her life. But if you leave all doors open, and pave the way with warmth, sitting on the bed chats, an open heart, eternal patience and strong boundaries, she will one day return as an adult, whom others respect. And you’ll meet her again, for the very first time. Anew.
So, take a breath. Stand your ground. You are a strong woman in your own right. Activate your voice, your truth, your sovereignty.
Say it out aloud. ‘I am a strong woman in my own right”.
And know that the world awaits your arrival with open arms. XO